Meanwhile, somewhere in America…

…a teenager asks.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I know, like, since you found out after the parent teacher conference when, like, my teacher, showed you my fake notes, that you have been, like not really so trusting. But, you know, I really do need a fort in the backyard, that you know, I want you to pay for. I know it seems like a lot of dough, but I really need to have this fort so that I can study and stuff with my friend Ben, and then we will, like get into college and be all independent and stuff. Oh, and we need a bunch of cool stuff, like TVs and computers for my fort. I know you can afford that. Or you can borrow from those friends of yours in China and France. And, you know, we need all this RIGHT AWAY, like this weekend. And, just so you know, the stuff I’m doing in my fort is going to be super-secret, so you can’t come in. And, don’t ask me a bunch of stupid questions about what I’m doin’ cuz I’m not tellin’. Oh, and when I, like graduate and move out of the house, I’m takin’ all the stuff with me.