Before he became a successful white supremacist on cable TV, Pat Buchanan was a speechwriter and communications director for presidents Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan. I’ve always thought that one of the great what-ifs of American history was this: What if Pat Buchanan had been asked to write the Gettysburg Address for Abraham Lincoln?
Here’s how Pat’s first draft of that famous speech might have looked:
I was a little reluctant to come here and speak on this exalted occasion because, when you get right down to it, is the Confederate cause really all that bad? All they want to do is maintain supervisory control over a bunch of unruly thugs who otherwise would be trying to integrate our schools, invent rap music, and destroy our culture. I mean, really — have you been to Detroit lately?
I guess I’m still technically the commander in chief of these Union soldiers, even if they were trying to impose miscegenation and race-mixing on the proud people of the South, so here goes —
Four score and seven years ago our caucasian fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, untouched by hordes of illegal aliens from south of the border, and dedicated to the proposition that all white men are created equal. And that’s Men with a capital M. You didn’t hear any lip from left-wing, abortion-seeking feminists in those days.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war — fought by white people, I should remind you, because everyone knows that white men were 100 percent of the people who died at Gettysburg and Vicksburg — testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.
But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground — especially if any of these soldiers happened to be Jewish. I’m not saying Adolf Hitler was right, you understand, but I’m not saying he was entirely wrong either. I’m just asking you to think about it. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract.
The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living — us descendants of the white Scots-Irish stock that built this nation, I don’t care what Rachel Maddow says — to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.
It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — keeping our borders secure from those Hispanics who want to come here illegally and steal our jobs after they apply for Medicaid. That we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, unless they got their jobs through affirmative action, in which case forget it. This nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the white people, by the white people, for the white people, shall not perish from the earth.
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