I figured all the other pundits are writing their election 2010 post mortems so why not weigh in myself while wearing a fabulous Democratic Fashion Institute chapeau.
Stop reading right now if you are one of those liberals who think that we should be “above what people look like” and still hope our folks freaking get elected. They won’t, especially when most of them look like visual image-road-kill.
How many times do I have to say it… I don’t care what you are saying or how smart you are; I can’t hear you if I’m completely distracted by how crappy or inappropriate you look.
As Chairwoman of the Institute, I get photos, texts, email and comments on the DL from folks all over the state. My army of DFI minions armed with cell phone cameras are everywhere.
I soon regretted not having actual blank fines printed. They would have been so much easier to walk around with. At the convention I could have simply checked off the offense(s) then noted suggested remediation and moved on. Hopefully never having to point it out again. Sigh, oh well, 2012 will be here soon enough, and no doubt some of the offenders/retreads will be back.
For starters let’s review the ground rules, they are few and relatively simple. The fact that so many screw up so badly still baffles me.
1. I expect all candidates and their visiable campaign staff/spouses to be dressed like professionals. Really, is this so hard to do? Apparently it is.
2. I expect everyone to have achieved basic good personal hygiene, at all times, on all occasions-you are only exempt if you actually ran the Peachtree Road Race that day and till have the number attached to your shirt! Maybe this should be number 1, I can’t even believe I had to type it.
3. Shoes must be shined and appropriate for the outfit/occasion. Busted out heels, hooker heels, uber trendy boots are a big giant fine waiting to happen. One candidate was so consistent in her hideous shoewear I might name a special fine in her honor. Trust me when I tell you, you don’t want to win that award.
4. Clothing must be pressed and clean. Again, how f’ing hard is this. The “rumpled” look got old-fast. One candidate was channeling a character what I can best describe as “country lawyer circa 1952”. Frankly, we have one of those, his name is Bobby Lee Cook and he never ever looked as bad as this guy did. It’s 2010- dry cleaners and starch are pretty much assumed and expected in professional attire ( see #1)
5. I recognize that very few people running for office are going to look good all the time. Everyone will have a bad day-shocker it’s hot all summer. It’s a big state to drive around in. Plan for this. Honestly it isn’t a surprise that Valdosta will be boiling hot in July-but you should build in enough time to swap out a shirt, and freshen up before rolling up on potential voters. Take off that jacket before sitting in a car for 3+ hours. It’s called a hanger, get one, use it.
6. Colors: learn which ones work for and against you. Seek professional help if necessary. Listen to them. Here’s a tip for free: if you are a old white guy with white hair ; don’t wear a beige suit. Prints, will generally work against you, usually they are too busy and will remind folks of their aunties couch slipcover. Here’s an even bigger no no, don’t wear a particular color to an event where folks will be insulted by your choice. If you are not an AKA, don’t show up in pink and green!
7. Ugly ties, I lost track of those fines mid May. I wish I could have cut them off a couple folks just so I didn’t have to see them ever again.
8. Flesh. I don’t want to see very much of it. Ladies, unless you have Michelle Obama’s awesome arms and shoulders… all that stuff wagging back at me when you wave should be covered up! Men, that collared shirt better only have one button undone. The second is pushing it, a third undone-I’m going to assume you are trying out for a disco show and not running for office.
Finally, and I really can’t stress this enough, learn good posture and command of your body language. Own the space you are in, demonstrate confidence. Slouchy, timid body language tells me you are weak and I shouldn’t vote for you. Nothing you say will change that. This is why I love our vets, they never ever make this mistake. Ummm maybe DFI needs a boot camp.
I hold off saying anything publicly during the campaign season mostly because I don’t want the opposition to use it in a twisted way. Sometimes I’ll mention something to a campaign team member and I let them decide what to do with the information. Mostly that’s a big fat nothing, and a most unfortunate decision for all concerned.
I issued repeated fines to one campaign-so large, in fact, had they paid them it would have halved the national debit and made Jason Pye very happy. Sorry Jason, maybe 2012.
On the flip side, there are some DFI rock stars. I’ll only name a few-but if you saw them on the trail, I’m sure you’ll agree with me why they are examples folks should follow.
Darryl Hicks. The man always looked professional, cool, calm and collected.
Congressman Lewis. Always consistent, always appropriate and can still rock a t-shirt at a rally.
Ken Hodges. He looked exactly the part of Attorney General.
Alisha Thomas-Morgan. Fabulous, age appropriate clothing-great colors, good quality, stylish outfits at all occasions.
Elena Parent. Exactly same as Alisha, but add a whole wardrobe of maternity cloths to that!
In closing, DFI is here to help. This post isn’t meant to mock-but to instruct.
Remember you can’t run a radio image campaign in a multi-media century.
Geesh didn’t we learn that during the Kennedy Nixon debates?
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